There are certain areas of expertise that came naturally to us over the years: cars, space, aviation, and computers, to name a few.
During the first half of the past century, we even provided practical features for scientifically-minded housewives. But children and babies? Not so much.
Hence this compilation of the most dubious child-rearing technologies from the pages of Popular Science.
We'll be honest: As fond as we are of the crackpot inventions that have popped up on our pages over the years, we're not in the least bit surprised that most of the devices in this gallery never took off. At least half of them were made for the benefit of adults, rather than for infants, so in retrospect they look comically misguided.
See the list >
A motorized baby hammock suspended by wooden beams, for instance, looks more like a swinging jail cell than a cradle, while a UV lamp used for branding newborns in the hospital probably drew inspiration from a cattle prod. Then there's the baby can, literally a perforated can with a lid for storing babies on passenger trains.
At the same time, we meant well with the hooded baby gas masks and the baby sleeping porch, a compartment you could install outside the window (and 100 feet above ground) to give your baby fresh air.
Creeped out yet? Browse through our to see these inventions in detail (and to thank your lucky stars that none of them fell in your mother's hands).
Sleeping Porch: May 1916
A baby porch suspended a hundred feet above ground? What could possibly go wrong? As city populations grew, people grew concerned about raising young children in tight spaces. Inventors suggested the miniature sleeping porch, which could be installed outside any window.
The device seemed sturdy enough — an iron brace enabled it to carry 500 pounds of weight, while anchors protected the porch from strong winds. The compartment's barred windows and netting kept the baby from climbing out (and bugs from flying in), and as the image shows, it was roomy enough to hold a tiny carriage "so that the effort of the mother in taking the baby in and out is reduced to a minimum."
Read the full story in "Outdoors Yet Indoors"
Self-Operated Cradle: September 1917
Like most new parents, Sheldon D. Vanderburgh, an inventor from Hastings-on-Hudson, New York, felt exhausted from taking care of a constantly crying baby. The solution? A homemade baby hammock. First, Vanderburgh built a basket-like bed by fastening netting to round end pieces.
After hooking the basket onto a wooden frame, Vanderburgh realized that his swinging cradle would be far more effective if it could rock itself. He assembled a clock-spring motor that could rotate a crank arm attached to the shaft, and behold: a self-operated hammock. As a bonus, the gentle ticking noise would soothe his baby to sleep.
Read the full story in "Rock-a-Bye Baby--In Your Self-Operated Cradle"
Baby Holder: October 1917
Before babies irritated people on commercial flights, they disturbed the peace on passenger trains. "We have been hoping for years that some intelligent inventor would come along with a device to can obstreperous infants during the late hours of the night," we wrote. "We suggested a hermetically-sealed can wrapped in sound-proof material, but Caleb M. Prather, of Evanston, Illinois, who is the inventor of the can illustrated, sidestepped our instructions at several important points."
Unlike those of us who clamored for dual baby silencer/holder, Prather designed his perforated baby can as a portable cradle, period. During waking hours, the baby could sit tight on the open holder. While asleep, the lid would be closed and the would breathe through the air holes.
Despite its convenience, we expressed annoyance that the invention yielded few benefits to surrounding passengers."If the inventor will make his can air-tight and sould-proof — features which we originally suggested — we know of a bachelor who will buy a half dozen right away."
Read the full story in "Can the Baby When You Take a Journey"
See the rest of the story at Business Insider